The Begining of the End

The day before Halloween in the year 2010 a few friends and I decided to try out a small bar near my apartment that I had never been to. It was called ‘Victory’ which ironically was involved in some of my biggest mistakes in the future... but those stories are for another day. We walked altogether to Victory passing by many people who were already dressed in costume. Once we arrived, I noticed it was next to a venue bursting with heavy metal music. We walked passed it and entered the tiny, dank bar.

I had recently turned twenty-two years old and had a summer in Uganda and a spring in Italy. During my time away I had lost weight, cut my hair short, and had gained an interest in fashion. That was not the only change that I had gone through. During my time abroad I had gained a great deal of experience on the best way to entice men into desiring me. I had gained so much confidence in the subject that I became vain. Sitting at the table with my friends I was laughing and reminiscing with one particular girl whom we will call Jen. We compared study abroad experiences, hers in The Republic of Ireland and mine in Perugia, Italy.

“It came to the point where I would leave for the night with only my keys in my pocket. No phone, no money and yet I could still come home drunk from all the free drinks offered me.” I laughed.

“Well that’s because you were in Italy.” Jen groaned. “There all men want blonde girls.”

She had challenged my capabilities with men. What I heard her say was that I was lucky only because I was in Italy, and because I was blonde: no other reason. Now that I was back in Seattle, perhaps I would find the game a little more difficult.

“Oh come on Jen! It’s easier than you think. You don’t have to be blonde or in Italy. All men are the same. I can show you!”

“Yes! Show me! Use your cobra powers to get some poor soul to buy you drinks.”

I laughed, finishing my first cup of gin and tonic and looked around. Through the window I was facing, I saw a dark haired man smoking outside in the cold with his friends. I found him attractive enough for this dare. He caught me looking at him, and I smiled. Not knowing how to react, he looked at me for a moment, and then awkwardly looked away.

“What about him.” I pointed out the window.

Jen looked behind her and nodded, “Yup, he’s good enough. Here, you finished your drink, let me get you another glass of liquid courage.” She got up and ordered more drinks.

It was perhaps another half hour before my friends needed to take a smoking break outside, and by this time the man I had seen through the window had disappeared. I joined my friends as I always did to be social. After two drinks, and being a lightweight I was already feeling a buz. I was chit chatting with the group I was with happily, being that alcohol puts me in a pleasant mood. I then saw him walking out of the loud, heavy metal venue.

“Well there he is: go cobra, strike!” Jen laughed.

I laughed along with her and nodded, turned, sauntering towards this stranger. I hadn’t planned on what to say or what to do, and so through the slight fog of alcohol and the short walk, I concocted a plan.

I saw him look at me, confused, yet curious as to why I was walking up to him. “Hey, do we know each other? I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere.” I asked.

He looked at his friend, then back at me. “Uh, I-I don’t know. Could we have possibly met at Rich Bateman’s party?”

I convincingly looked frustrated. “No… hmm, how embarrassing. I could have sworn you looked familiar.”

He laughed nervously. “I have one of those faces, I guess.”

I laughed too. “Maybe.”

“Well, I’m Jared.” He extended his hand. I shook it and introduced myself. He told me that he was there to support his friends who were playing in a band in the venue that had been playing the obtrusive music.

“Oh, wow! Well, when you guys are done, you should come and join me and my friends in Victory.” I smiled flirtatiously.

“I will.” He replied with a slightly eager tone in his voice, which let me know he would be an easy one.

I turned around and walked back to my friends who were all looking at me questioningly. I smiled at them. “Well he said he would be stopping by the bar soon.”

“Well done.” Jen laughed. “But I won’t be able to see you work. I am drunk, and I have to go home. Go on cobra, strike!” She laughed and walked away. I was left with my roommate at the time, Andrea and her boyfriend who were also both getting drunk, which meant that they would erupt in a fight soon. The three of us walked back into Victory as I waited for either Jared to come in, or for Andrea and her boyfriend to fight. As I sat in the bar I realized, being that Jen left I didn’t have to fulfill the dare she’d put me under. I could just go home and forget about this whole thing.

Then I watched Jared walk in to Victory with his friends and without saying hi or even looking at me, he went straight outside on the deck to smoke. No. I wasn’t going to forget about this, I was going to do this for me. I walked up and followed him out onto the deck.

“Hey,” I smiled.

“Hey.” He replied kindly.

“I was waiting for you, but now my friends are about to leave so now I have to go.”

“Oh no! I was just about to go inside to see you, I promise. Don’t go yet, please, I’ll be right in.” I grinned. If I hadn’t been sure he was interested before, I knew he was now.

“Alright, but if you aren’t in soon, I’ll have to leave.”

I turned and walked back into the bar. I gave my purse to Andrea, who was already looking completely unhappy and kept my keys in my pocket. While I watched Andrea and her boyfriend leave, Jared came back in.

He walked up to me and offered me a drink. “Yeah that would be great.” I smiled. “A gin and tonic seems to be my drink for the night.” Well, the first task was completed. Now I supposed all I really needed to do was… have fun.

Jared came back with two drinks in his hand and sat right next to me. Our conversation was easy enough. I found out that he was a construction worker who lived in Everett and I told him I was finishing my last year of college at an Art school called Cornish. We argued which city was better, Seattle or Portland and we talked about our favorite types of music. Eventually he asked where the nearest convenient store was so he could buy a new pack of cigarettes.

“Yeah sure, I’ll show you!” I piped up.

Now, the thing about alcohol is that it takes that voice of reason that helps you make good decisions and turns the volume down so low that its easy to ignore. At this time, when I told him that I would take him to the nearest store, that voice said that it was unwise, being that I didn’t know what kind of person he was, or if he was safe. But three cups of gin and tonic was enough for me to ignore the thought.

We left, and as soon as we turned the corner he stopped and pulled me into him and kissed me. I remember being completely amused. He kissed me so passionately that it seemed to me that perhaps he was a little desperate. Our journey to the convenient store consisted of this: a bit of walking and talking, then the conversation being interrupted with kisses. There was even one point when I realized which street we were on.

“Hey, come here.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him across the street.

“What is it?” He asked as I stopped him and pointed at the pavement below us.

“Look where you’re standing: it’s the geographical center of the city.” I beamed.

He bent down to get a better look in the darkness. “Whoa! Look at that! I would have never guessed that it would be in such a random place.”

I stepped on the plaque and pulled him close to me. A while before I had made it a point to kiss someone at interesting locations: beautiful vistas, highest points, even grave sites. This particular place seemed ideal.

We finally made it to the store then walked all the way back to the bar holding hands. I remember thinking about how strange it was when guys would want to hold hands when they only just met me. It seemed like such an affectionate thing to do and I always found it uncomfortable. But I let them hold my hand anyway.

“So, when you asked me if we knew each other, did you really think that we had met before?” He asked shyly.

“Nope. I just wanted an excuse to meet you.” I admitted. He seemed to like that answer.

We stopped by the bar one more time and ordered our last drinks, and I knew I had my limit. I visited the bathroom and found it extremely difficult to walk straight when the whole world was tipping. I looked at myself in the mirror, and was not pleased at what I saw. I was pale and disheveled with dark circles under my eyes. I had no idea how I was going to get to work the next day. How could I get rid of this guy? I knew I had given him the hope of some sort of pay off later, which I had no intention of doing.

I was tired, drunk and having a hard time functioning. Jared wanted to walk around some more, so we left the bar once again. The rest of the night was filled with making out and petting. There was even one point when a security guard came to make us move off the building’s property.

Finally we were standing with my back against a wall of some old building, and I remember thinking, when is this going to end. That was the point when Jared started saying things like, “Oh God, I want you so much.” and “So what is the plan?” and “ You know I have condoms in my car.” That was enough. I was done. My brain started to work again and logic began to warn me about how much I really didn’t know this guy, and how vulnerable I was at that moment.

I finally firmly pushed on his chest and smiled alluringly. “Walk me back to my apartment?” I didn’t even like the idea of showing him where I lived, but I had to get back there safely. I was going into defense mode.

He kindly walked me back to my apartment, and when I opened the door to walk in, I noticed he began to follow me so I turned around. “And you’re not coming in.” I said while still smiling sweetly. I could see slight disappointment on his face, but still he took it with a smile, which made me think that perhaps he was better than I thought. But I had enough.

“Can I have your number then?”

“Well that’s the thing too, I don’t give out my number either.” Which was true enough. I’d made it a rule to not give out my phone number to strangers. Especially men. I saw the smile fade then.

“Good night! I had a fun time.” Then I shut the door quickly and turned without looking back.

The next morning I had the worst hangover and some faded bruises on my neck that I had a hard time covering and feeling a little stupid and regretful.